Compliment of this book
The Psychology of Courage in Recommended
Prologue One
Recommended Sequence II Self's Shackles and Emancipation
Recommended order three people only can feel that they have the courage to
Translator's Order
Introduction
The first night, whose fault was our sour?
The "third giant" of unknown psychology
How to "find the reason" can not change a person
Psychological trauma doesn't exist.
Anger is made up.
Floyd was wrong.
Socrates and Adler
Do you want to "be someone else"?
Your misfortune is your own "choice".
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This world is extremely simple, people can be changed, who can get happiness!
The book was red and dominated the charts for a while, and the author, Ichiro Ichiro and Guga Shijian, presented the essence of Adler's psychology in a way that philosophers and young people talked to. (Adler is a trio of psychology alongside Freud and Jung, whose "individual psychology" is also known as "the psychology of courage", is a philosophy of exploring how brave people become happy. )
This is a very classic and well-read book, so that people can learn more about Adler psychology, here are some of the book's highlights and insights:
First, the happiness of life is entirely up to you.
1. The world is actually very simple, it is people's subjective definition to make it complex and self-inflicted trouble, the same thing because of the different definitions can be a good thing is also a bad thing.
2. Subjective ideas, like a dark eye, and to be happy, you must have 'courage'.
3. Man can change: what happens in the past does not determine the future, but depends on the "purpose". In short, it is possible for anyone to do anything, not to blame the past and the environment. (Don't think that the present or the future cannot be changed or better because of past experience, environment)
4. Adler psychology denies the existence of psychological trauma, whether one thing is trauma or experience, and it can have different results depending on the definition. A person who decides how to live and his own life is his choice.
5. People will pinch the anger, and some people will create anger for the sake of shouting "purpose". Because emotions are completely manageable with "purpose", emotions are only an "excuse" for achieving an end.
6. Adler believes that people can be free from "emotions" and "past" control, and that what has been experienced is not the point (objective), focusing on how we look at and interpret the matter (subjectively). "People do not act for reasons that are subject to the past, but for purposes that they have decided to do. 』
7. Everyone acts for what he considers "good", but this self-righteous "good" is born according to his own values and ideas, not necessarily universal values recognized good, but may also lead to his own "unfortunateness". In other words, all "happiness" and "unfortunateness" are the result of their own choices.
8. Life pattern" can affect a person's character and temperament, that is, the tendency to think or act on life, that is, to look at the world (world view, outlook on life, values). This definition of who "I" is, usually about ten years old. But people can actually change, but people often decide to choose "don't change."
Life is determined by the present, and if you are not satisfied with the status quo, you should have a determination to "abandon the existing life pattern", and once you change your definition of the world and yourself, all the connections and actions between you and the world will change together. Don't be psychologically traumatized, external environment to limit, their current life style can determine life.
Second, all the trouble comes from interpersonal relationships
1. People feel inferior because they hate their own "purpose", which can save oneself from "trouble" or as an excuse. For example, some people, for fear of being rejected or abused, have the disadvantage of being "shy" and "not good at words" and allow themselves to achieve the "purpose" of avoiding failure. In short, inferiority is a "subjective interpretation" of oneself, not based on "objective facts".
2. Human troubles are all the troubles of interpersonal relationships. "Low self-esteem" is the judgment of one's sense of value, people are in a state of powerlessness to come to the world, in order to get rid of this state of powerlessness, there will be universal needs and desires, Adler called "the pursuit of excellence."
3. "Low self-esteem" is the feeling that they are not good enough, can be a catalyst to force their own efforts to grow, but "low self-esteem complex" is to use the excuse of inferiority to deny themselves, think that they are simply unable to give up efforts, that is, lack of face to reality and change their own "courage."
4. People who have a sense of superiority and pride often have a sense of inferiority. Some people will deliberately through and some authoritative, brand name to "show authority" to show off their own, in fact, is to hide their own feelings of inferiority. In addition, some people will "show off misfortune", attract others sympathy, their own weakness and misfortune as their own "special" weapons.
5. To avoid the above low self-esteem and arrogance of the plot, is not to regard life as a competition with others, but as long as with their own comparison, non-stop progress is good. Everyone is different, but there is equality. Treating interpersonal relationships as competitive people can be an obstacle to happiness, because you can't give happiness from the heart. To think that 'everyone is my partner' in the world, the view of the world will change, free from the framework of win or lose, and make a more positive contribution to the well-being of others.
6. Anger is divided into private anger and "public anger", which is intended to achieve the tools of personal interest to bring others to their knees, which will soon cool down, while "public anger" is due to social or political contradictions and injustices that will persist for a long time.
7. There are two purposes for verbal abuse: "power struggle" or "initiation of a fight", and the losing party will want to "revenge", and by the time the parties reach this stage, it is almost impossible to solve the problem. To avoid it, don't dance when the other person starts a power struggle. When you realize that the other side is starting to provoke and want to start a power struggle, get out of it as soon as possible and don't respond.
8. People who are prone to anger are not anxious, but have other ways of communicating besides anger. Use the power of language well with organized language.
9. To be spared and to spare, even if it is touted, and once convinced that "I am right", the power struggle is already open in an instant. Because i just want to lose the Ministry can not admit the mistake.
10. The fact of admitting mistakes, apologizing and leaving the struggle are not setbacks. Excellence is not achieved by competing with others.
11. The task of life can be divided into two dimensions: "action" and psychological.
The goal of "action side" is "self-reliance" and "living in harmony with society". - Pick yourself up.
The goals of "psychological" are " I am capable" and "Everyone is my partner". - Trust others, trust others
12. Adler divides life tasks (relationships into "work tasks", "friendship tasks" and "love tasks". Each relationship requires a different distance and depth.
13. It is impossible to feel at ease with people who do not trust themselves, and if they want to live together in harmony, they must be in a state of personality parity.
14. As long as you have the heart, it is easy to find out each other's shortcomings and flaws, and it's easy to find a reason to hate someone. Because of this, the world can become dangerous at any time, and everyone else can become an enemy. But it's just an excuse to avoid life tasks(relationships), which Adler calls "the lie of life." Only oneself can determine their own life style (attitude to life), the responsibility is not in others and the environment, all responsibility belongs to themselves, to face the courage of interpersonal relationships.
Three, give up the subject of others 1. Adler does not believe that there is no need to seek recognition from others, and that seeking recognition from others is an influence under the education of reward and punishment. We do not live to meet the expectations of others, but to live for ourselves.
2. To learn "the separation of subjects", most of the interpersonal disputes are caused by interference with other people's subjects. To distinguish between the subjects, just think, "Who will bear the consequences of this decision?" For example, many parents force their children to read, in fact, is involved in the child's subject. "We can take the horse to the water's edge, but we can't force it to drink water. Only oneself can change.
3. The more close the family, the more you need to deliberately cut the subject. To understand that "others don't live to meet your expectations, so are your own children." 」
4. As for our own life, all we can do is "choose the best way to think we are", and as to what others want to make about our choices, it is someone else's subject that cannot be interfered with.
5. Learn to understand "subject separation", because when you care about other people's vision and evaluation of us, you will constantly seek the recognition of others. Don't get involved in other people's subjects, and don't let anyone get involved in yours, this is the way to solve the troubles of relationships. In the face of complex interpersonal relationships, as long as do their own right to do, do not lie about their own life, as to how others judge or how to see us, because there is nothing to do so do not care.
6. It is important to keep the right distance, just as parents and teachers, if they keep an urgent eye on the person and often rebuke the child. Two hearts will produce rejection and gradually drift away, when the child has problems are not willing to find a teacher to discuss things, but counterproductive. Sometimes parents in order to facilitate the initiative to help children do homework, finishing clothes to make themselves more relaxed, this is to intervene, deprive the child of the subject, so that children lose the opportunity to learn and grow. "Children who don't learn to face difficulties will dodge all the difficulties, " Adler said. 」
7. Relationships should not be bound by "rewards", when "return" exists on the basis of interpersonal relationships, there will be a "I give you so much, you should also return" mood. We cannot demand returns, nor can we be bound by the idea of return. No matter what action the other person takes, it is still yourself to decide what to do.
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